No baking is necessary for these chewy funfetti granola bars, which are full with funfetti taste and loads of rainbow sprinkles. Put these in your child’s lunchbox for a fun back-to-school snack!

As you may or may not be aware, I am not a parent. I don’t have them and am not interested in getting them. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to give your child some funfetti granola bars to make them the coolest kid at the lunch table, and you the coolest parent at their school.

I wouldn’t call them nutritious, but they’re also not junk food. I imagine them straddling that border, one foot on each side. The worst things in these are a little funfetti cake mix and white chocolate chips, which can be taken out if the white chocolate bothers you.

The cake mix, on the other hand, cannot. It’s what gives them that funfetti taste!

They are cooked using cashew butter, which helps to avoid the peanut allergy problem that is so prevalent these days. Again, I don’t have children, so I’m a little out of touch. If you had an allergy to anything at school, it was your issue, not everyone else’s. I mean, I couldn’t even tell you whether somebody at my school had a peanut allergy since it was never brought up.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m delighted we’re getting the community engaged in keeping the kids safe, but I think certain cases go a little too far. So what happens at the lunch table between your child and another? I’m betting that kids don’t carry a list of ingredients with a nutrition label for everything they consume, so let’s be safe.

This dough is pretty thick, so you’ll probably need to use your hands to get in there and thoroughly incorporate the ingredients.

Here’s how it looked before the funfetti cake mix and white chocolate chips were added:

I didn’t notice I was using my middle finger in that photo until I went in to edit it. Regardless of whatever finger I use, you can see how thick the batter is and how it will firm up without baking.

sorry?

Don’t you think sprinkles make everything better? You, of course, do. Because they absolutely do.

For example, the batter seemed to be somewhat dull, but as sprinkles were added, it transformed into this wonderful and colorful dough that begged to be eaten.

I believe that the more sprinkles, the better. It’s in the funfetti mix, but I wanted them to stand out, so I added extra.

Since sprinkles, I put more on top after they’ve been pushed into the pan.

How could you possibly pass this up?

I’ll show you how. When handed one of these beauties, a man in my workplace responded, “I don’t like white chocolate.” That is not genuine chocolate.

SIR, YOU MAY SEE YOURSELF OUT. GOOD MORNING.

My dog was also interested in them. Penny was frothing at the lips with excitement at the prospect of a taste.

No, she really foams at the mouth when she gets aroused, leading everyone to believe she has rabies. That may be a good party trick or something.

But, she was so eager to sample them that she slapped the pan with her paw. Want to see what it looks like when you’re photographing funfetti granola bars on a baking pan and they start to fly?

That’s all there is to it. In all its splendor.

To be clear, she did not get any. Fortunately, my camera strap was tied around my arm, so I let go and snatched the sheet with both hands before it became dog food. And cat food, since one of them was sitting right next to her at the time. I’m positive he was encouraging her.

So, go ahead and make these and be the cool parent. Maybe create them and store them in your office without telling your kids.

You have a choice (and I totally respect option number two).